Bondi Balmy Beach

Odder than odd: Mark Seymour playing at the Balmy Beach Club.

Five

A wee bit in the cups and all melancholy-like from missing the gels (who are away this weekend)

The indomitable Wings up 4-0 currently in second period of game 5.

The daughter's current favourite:



PM listening:

Anthony Phillips -- "High Fives" (from Field Day)

Just like fucking tweeting isn't it?

Her Lips Are Sealed

The GG takes a break from the rubber chicken circuit:

Hundreds of Inuit at a community festival gathered around as the Governor General made a gesture of solidarity with the country's beleaguered seal hunters.

Jean knelt above a pair of carcasses and used a traditional blade to slice the meat off the skin.

After repeated, vigorous cuts through the flesh the Queen's representative turned to the woman beside her and asked enthusiastically: "Could I try the heart?"

Afterward Jean grabbed a tissue to wipe clean her blood-soaked fingers, and explained her gesture of solidarity with the region's Inuit hunters.

Or, the purple version:

First she gutted it. Then she had the heart pulled out of its furry, flabby carcass. Finally, she swallowed a slice of the mammal's dripping organ.

And then...

Talkin' 'Bout My Re-Relegation

It's not dead, squire, it's just resting

Coffin, nail, final.

Sliced Kiwi

Maori pseudo-scientifically pwned.

Fireworks

The wife and I went to see Animal Collective at the ex-Docks on Saturday. I don't think I've ever felt so aged: apart from one late-40ish-looking couple we were by far the oldest people there. At least Jo received the compliment of being carded by security. Which circle of hell is it where you're packed in like sardines with swooning hippies with b.o., fratboy doofuses and young men with bad halitosis (as opposed to good halitosis)? Must be in the top ten. It was certainly in the top five during opening act Grouper's set--too tedious to be engaging and too sonically annoying to be decent wallpaper music.

The show was very good, although I was disappointed they largely skipped over Feels and Sung Tongs ("Leaf House" was really cool). All of the current Merriweather Post Pavilion hits were there, along with some nice reworkings of older tunes like "Chocolate Girl."



Victoria Day fireworks with the girl on Monday, fortunately making us feel young again.

Taking RC Harris Water Treatment Plant (By Sparkler)

I've Broken Free From Zionist Control

Well, they let me go really, once they realized I wasn't much good at anything.

Police Estate

"I haven't seen a car in a house in a long time."


"Allo, allo, what's all this then..?"

Happy Australia Day

Cheap Laffs

Checking out, cashing in:



Ah, memories:

What Friggin' Recession

$18 mil per for erratic, injury prone quickie with 'tude.

These only just back in stock.

Throwing out new shoes becomes fashionable.

Still Here

Been busy.

Another Burnside

Hadn't heard of this one before.

Ours has nicer whiskers.

Back To Ron In The Studio

Two words: The Meng.

Darwin Awards Entrant

Photographic section.




Note the Smeato-like hard-as-shitness of yours truly--not a peep.

Gimme Some Mo'

The seemingly unsackable CIC National Prez Mohamed El-Masry at it again:

Prime Minister Stephen Harper is indifferent to Omar Khadr’s plight because the Guantanamo Bay prisoner is ``brown-skinned” and a Muslim, the leader of one of Canada’s largest Islamic groups said today.

Harper’s resistance to calls to repatriate the Canadian citizen shows he is pandering to Islamophobes, said Canadian Islamic Congress president Mohamed Elmasry.

“In this case, Mr. Harper is playing politics because of the backdrop of Islamophobia in this country,” Elmasry said.

[...]

Elmasry contrasts Khadr’s case with that of dual Canadian-British citizen William Sampson, who was freed from a death sentence in Saudi Arabia in 2003.

Prior to his release, the federal Liberal government of the day made pleas on Sampson’s behalf to the Saudi government.

“Why is Stephen Harper so callously indifferent to Omar Khadr’s case?” Elmasry wrote.

“It’s painfully obvious: William Sampson is a white Westerner while his fellow Canadian citizen, Omar Khadr, is brown-skinned and a Muslim.”

Cat/Mouse

About all Mighty Mouseses are good for...

Several Pints Of Bitter

Caught this interview with Alannah Myles the second time 'round. See how far you can get without cringing or hitting pause.

Q: when people who "visualize" their successes fuck up, is it due to improper visualization of the success or a failure to visualize the failure?

Shit

You should see the other guy.

Scooby Snacktime--The Remixes out August 4

An excuse for a smart-ass headline.

Advice: just say...

mp3: They Might Be Giants--"No!" (from No!)

Belle River Haiku

Jim came to visit
He had a glass of water
And we bad-mouthed Will

The Goat Next Door

I guess my neighbour's not so bad after all.

Emery: Time You Go Away

Later, arsehole.

Pitter-Patter Of Tiny Paws

Burnside




Burnside




Burnside




Burnside

Someone Had To

Golden Age

No picnic for the staff, obviously, but I gotta say I'm looking forward to my eventual stay in one of our care facilities:

Elderly and demented residents are attacking their caregivers in Canadian nursing homes at alarming rates, a new study out of York University says.

[edit]

“Almost all of the personal support workers that we surveyed said they experienced physical violence (at some point) from the residents they cared for,” [lead study author Albert] Banerjee says.

As well, about 30 per cent of Canadian workers – 95 per cent of them women – complained of unwanted sexual attention on a daily or weekly basis.

Almost 12 per cent said they suffered racial slurs over the same time frames.

In An Ironic Cock-Rocky Mood

The Stone Diaries

Went to see the Bevster read from the new book at Harbourfront the other night. Despite the obvious nervyness of a first public reading, she did a fine job. The modest number of copies available were snapped up quickly (official release pushed back to early April now).

The novel is dedicated to my sister-in-law Cindy, which was a very sweet gesture.

So I didn't go to see Deerhoof's Canadian Music Week gig. As if I would have been able to stay awake for it anyway.

Year Of Rat Festivities Cancelled

The Dumpling House reopens.

"We make dumplings in the front window. We kind of showcase the food, we don't hide anything from the public," said Michael Chu, the manager of the [restaurant].

We Hate It When Our Friends Become Successful

No Beautiful Shore, the debut novel by our friend Beverley Stone (as previously mentioned) has been delayed at the printers but should be available around mid-March at your local.

Bev will be doing her first public reading as part of the Harbourfront Weekly Reading Series on Wednesday, March 5. It's not on their sked yet but I assure you 'tis so. So go. No heckling, unless it's in dialect.

And gents--she's single (with cats)!

Black DSH Showing Blonde Roots

Our pusscat refused to eat his salmon- and trout-flavoured cat food today because I put...salmon oil in it.

Post About Post-Rock Band Post-Iraq

Efrim Menuck, erstwhile of Montreal's maestros of the maudlin (de)crescendo Godspeed You! Black Emperor, talks about the band's demise in an upcoming interview. Unfortunately, Babelfish doesn't speak Gibberopseudish:

The last American tour that Godspeed did was in the run up to the current war in Iraq. For what Godspeed did, it was very difficult for us to work out a way for us to communicate directly with the audience about what was going on. We would talk to people after the shows, or we could make announcements from the stage but so much what Godspeed was, was one-way communication.

“And I had an existential freak-out about that. That those tactics aren’t valid anymore.

“People didn’t need a rock band pointing in the direction of [how the world was at that point]. Maybe what they needed is some clumsy words, a presentation that was a little more human.

mp3: GY!BE--"Moya" (from the ep Slow Riot For New Zero Kanada)

We're An Urban Village!

...wrote C. Hume in The Star the other day.

I must say it helps having rail lines a couple of blocks north, a commercially depressed area to the east, and a fucking great hill to the south.

Although they lack excitement, the tree-lined roads make up for a lot. Wandering around here one is reminded of the critical role trees play in a city like Toronto, which would otherwise be one mean-looking place.

Oh, pooh.

Hitchens Refuted

God exists.

Time Lapse

Dec. 16



Jan. 13



Feb. 1

Not From Sligo

....but his accent was impeccable.

Madness In The Atlantic

Feeding my recent obsession with adventure tales, I've just finished reading this book.

In the end, Donald Crowhurst didn't do much adventuring, as he never made it out of the Atlantic Ocean and didn't see many storms. However, his story serves as a warning against solo sailing, or, for that matter, doing any remote exploration by yourself. (Look what happened to Chris McCandless, subject of Into The Wild.)

I'm not talking about the obvious physical perils of solo adventures:
Sailing up and down the Atlantic for 243 days, alone, with limited radio contact and only one shore visit (with non-English speakers), is a sure way to push an unstable person around the bend. And in Crowhurst's case, it did. Heck, it probably could push a well-balanced person over the edge.

This isn't a book report; I'm not going to give you a synopsis of what happened to Donald Crowhurst. His story is widely available online. Plus, there's now a documentary about him, Deep Water. I hope to see it some day.

What's saddest about Crowhurst's story is how trapped he felt, how he boxed himself into an impossible situation. It's like watching the proverbial train wreck; you're unable to stop it happening. He had many opportunities to stop before it was too late. He could've even sailed to the West Indies, declared himself a renegade and never returned home. For him, too shameful an option perhaps. But at least he wouldn't have gone mad.

Happy New Year

Best wishes to all. We're staying in, as Jo is coming down with the flu.

Who am I kidding--we'd have stayed in anyway.

Perhaps watching this.

X

We're off for a few days, so best wishes to one and all.

Enjoy responsibly.

Or else.

Newf For 2008

The debut novel by our friend Bev Stone (Beverley for ahh-thorial purposes) will be released by Cormorant Books on Valentine's Day.

I order you to pre-order.

Bev has a wicked and weird sense of humour and a soothing voice that could talk down the most determined jumper.

An Aversion To Publicity Bordering On The Bransonesque

When making fun of Ann Coulter, we Canucks should always remember that we spawned Rachel "Play Misty For Me" Marsden.
Thorough backgrounder here, for those of you who didn't read Frank regularly during the late '90s.

...And Featuring Jack Warden As Nerva

Pretty Linus Roache joins the cast of Dawn Of The Dead L & O.

Is there a major shortage of American actors or something?

Kiwi Kwasi Konfection Konquers Kanuckistan (Kraftily)!

Mmmm...butteroil-sugar blend.

Big In Iran

Nice to hear that Chris de Burgh is still alive.

"Lady In Red" will not be performed, authorities say, and if she shows up she'll be politely asked to adhere to Islamic dress codes.

Jehovah's Dandruff

Winter arrives next week.

Red Hat, Ding Bat

The Joe Horn case in Texas, commented upon by Guardian Angels principal breakdancer Curtis Sliwa (zip to around 1 minute in).

Catch Curtis live in Halifax this weekend.

Waiting For The McCaw

Buy me one for Antitheistmass.

Palate Cleanser

Rid yourself of the taste of the Piano Man with a bit of the Bald Synth Man:

Rhymes With Hallelu-jah

The dehumanizing effects of war, exemplified by Nickelback fused with tourist-version Middle-Eastern motif:



Actually, if you imagine it being sung by Warren Zevon it's kinda funny.

Semper Ubi Sub Ubi

Low and extra loose:

A 54-year-old woman pleaded guilty Thursday to committing aggravated assault by a series of attacks on her naked common-law partner which included tearing open his scrotum and smashing a beer bottle over his head in Owen Sound last month.

[edit]

Campbell and her common-law partner for 24 years began arguing over money. She wanted to go to a restaurant and drink, while he wanted to pay the electricity bill so the power company would turn the electricity back on.

Goddam that's one choice I hope I never have to face.

Moral High Horse Breaks Leg, Destroyed

"Objectifying" your lad/lass good, some anonymous bimbo bad, as NDP MP Irene Mathyssen explains:

Mathyssen stunned all sides by complaining that she'd seen Tory MP James Moore checking out a "scantily clad" woman on his laptop computer in Parliament.

Moore, a parliamentary secretary from British Columbia, vehemently denied the claim. And late Wednesday, Mathyssen apologized to Moore.

NDP spokesman Ian Capstick said Mathyssen phoned Moore and he explained to her that the photos she'd seen on his laptop were of his girlfriend.

Water Wet Shock II

Gene converts carbs to fat.

No shit.

Water Wet Shock

1 + 1 > 1, says Michigan State researcher:

A new scientific study deduces divorce pollutes the environment, because it splits households in two, doubling the demand for electricity and even water.

"More households mean more houses," said Jianguo Liu, professor of fisheries and wildlife at Michigan State University, who co-authored the report published in this week's Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

"To build more houses, you need more land, more construction material and more energy."

Buyers' Market

It Is Most Definitely Alive

From Andrew Nikiforuk's review of Devra Davis' The Secret History Of The War On Cancer in today's Globe:

[Davis] has smelled and felt cancer firsthand, having lost two parents and many friends, including the comic Andrea Martin, to the disease.

Richard Ouzounian reviews the new stage version of Young Frankenstein:

The original 1974 film worked because its visual style was a perfect match for those cheesy 1930s Universal horror films.

And the cast was superb. But except for Megan Mullally's brassily clueless fiancée Elizabeth, and Andrea Martin's dourly knowing housekeeper, Frau Blucher, the rest of the musical's personnel are limp imitations.

Minor Threat For Minors

Michael McKinnon, a.k.a. Jam Toast, has an even younger audience than Anti-Flag.

Tunes here.

Rain Dance II

Poor ol' Stu:

Rain Dance

Drought-stricken Georgia's Governor Sonny Perdue prays.

But this fellah has an air-horn and knows that buggery is to blame:



Both deserve to have some form of liquid fall on their heads.

Good on these dudes.

November 12 Minus 1

Outside Kew Beach Park:



Ignore the squirrel




Out of the mouths of etc... (please forward to J. Layton)

Taggaz Wi Culcha

Not a graffito you see every day...



mp3: G. Mahler--"Von der Schonheit (Beauty)" from Das Lied Von Der Erde (C. Ludwig; Von Karajan, Berlin PO)

Drill Drill Drill Press

Play very loud:



New one out on Tuesday.

A Short Break

Quit my job a couple of months ago. Decided to stay home with she.

I get to hang with my daughter during a fun stage of her intyleckchual development, get more exercise, and get to lounge about in playgrounds with attractive mummies.

And I'm drinking as much if not more than I ever have.

Life is good and I'm the insufferable dude.

mp3: They Might Be Giants--"The Cap'm" (from The Else)

Fatboy Fat

Flash Harry, coming to terms with his international celebrity.

Freebie

But what's the Court's position on tipping?

Around the Newmarket courthouse, they're calling it the "Monica Lewinsky ruling," a reference to the White House intern who performed a certain sexual act on then-president Bill Clinton.

Although that was an oral act, the case in the courthouse north of Toronto that is creating such a buzz involves "manual release," and whether or not masturbating a client at a Vaughan body rub parlour was an act of prostitution.

Justice Howard Chisvin, of the Ontario Court of Justice, didn't think so, and dismissed two bawdy house charges against Valeri Ponomarev, the manager of Studio 176, in a recent ruling that said: "The payment of money was for a full-body massage. The act of masturbation was optional, at no additional fee. I wonder, and am left in doubt as to whether or not the community might consider the act of masturbation in all situations to be sexual."

Snakes vs. Ovoid Balls

Egg-heaving doesn't hold a candle to it.

Father Of The Year

My daughter's current favorite vid.

Footloose

Nice work etc.:

Forensic experts are examining two severed right feet found within days of each other on separate islands off central Vancouver Island.

Police say the latest remains – a foot inside a men's size-12 Reebok sneaker – were found Sunday on a heavily used trail on Gabriola Island near Nanaimo.

[edit]

Oceanside RCMP Cpl. Garry Cox said that finding two severed right feet on relatively nearby islands at such a close interval is odd.

"It's very strange and unusual," he said. "I've never seen anything like this before.

"We've had body parts found, but it's usually from somebody who has died and animals scattered the body parts around."

Invasion

...of the Suspicious Lepidoptera People.

No Comment

Star headline:

Trapped Chinese miners ate coal, drank urine

Sorry, but how is that different than living in Newcastle?

Doggie Bag

Now available in cellophane (without the urn) for the budget-conscious.

It's Never Filling

Few people know that the sports bra was invented during the reign of Akhenaten.

Lazy Tuesday post 'bout nothing

For those of you working in the publishing world, here's some cheap jokes about editors and their peers. There's not many editor jokes out there, especially compared with the huge number of jokes about other professions; hell, even ACTUARIES have a lot of jokes! I guess we editors just ain't funny.

Two fonts walk into a bar, the bartender says 'we don't serve your type here'. So they called the serif.


Q: How many sub-editors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: We can't tell whether you mean "insert a new lightbulb" or "have sexual relations inside a lightbulb". Can we reword it to remove ambiguity?

Q: How many art directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Does it have to be a lightbulb?

Q: How many proofreaders does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: The last time this was asked it involved Art Directors. Is the difference intentional? It seems inconsistent.

Q: How many writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Why do we have to change it?

Q: How many editors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: It was supposed to be in place last week!

Q: How many publishers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to screw it in and two more to hold down the editor.

Q: How many marketing directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: It isn't too late to make it neon, is it?

Q: How many advertising directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: We're not sure because the client might change it tomorrow. Cut some editorial anyway.

Q: How many sales directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: (pause) I get it! It's one of those lightbulb jokes, right?

Suits And Raspberries

One of the suits I work with embarrassed himself recently, when he insisted that University of Western Ontario was part of the Ivy League. What a knob. It took three of us underlings to prove to him that UWO's business school is named after a different guy.

We're nearing the end of July, which means that raspberry season is almost gone for another year. Shamelessly poached from Foodland Ontario, here's a yummy raspberry dessert for those who appreciate this most exquisite of fruits.

Raspberry and Apricot Squares

1/2 cup (125 mL) butter
1 tsp (5 mL) grated lemon rind
1/3 cup (75 mL) granulated sugar
1/2 cup (125 mL) almonds
1 cup (250 mL) all-purpose flour
Topping:
2 cups (500 mL) Ontario Raspberries
1 cup (250 mL) sliced Ontario Apricots
1 cup (250 mL) ground almonds
2/3 cup (175 mL) granulated sugar
1/2 cup (125 mL) all-purpose flour
2 tbsp (25 mL) butter
2 eggs
1/2 tsp (2 mL) baking powder
Pinch salt

Butter sides of 8 in. (2 L) square cake pan; set aside.

In bowl, beat butter until creamy, stir in lemon rind, then sugar and almonds. Mix in flour gradually, using fingertips if too stiff to mix with spoon. Press onto bottom of prepared pan.

Bake in 325°F (160°C) oven for 12 minutes or until slightly puffed and surface appears dry; set aside. Increase oven temperature to 350°F (180°C).

Topping:
In small bowl, combine half the almonds, half the sugar and 2 tbsp (25 mL) of the flour. With fork, blend in butter until mixture is crumbly; set aside.

In separate bowl, beat eggs with remaining sugar until thickened and pale. Combine remaining almonds and flour with baking powder and salt; stir into egg mixture. Combine raspberries and apricots; spoon evenly over base. Cover evenly with batter. Sprinkle evenly with topping. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes or until top is puffed and golden and fruit is bubbly. Let cool in pan on rack. Run knife around edges of pan and cut into squares.

There you go. All this, just to shift my dad's picture from the top of the blog.

Sept. 26, 1927-June 25, 2007

Goodbye Dad. You were one of the good guys.

Jesus Built My Sensible Fuel-Efficient Compact

Hail Mary, full of...

More here.

Featuring The Hit Single "Tarmac-ameleon"

Paved In Full: The Best Of The One-Man Ahmadinejad Band to be released soon:

He has provoked the west's fury with his calls for Israel's elimination, dismissal of the Holocaust as a "myth" and strident advocacy of Iran's nuclear rights.

Now Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the Iranian president, has ordered his fiery polemics to be saved for posterity in preparation for commercial publication.

He has appointed a 15-member advisory council of his closest aides to study his "works and opinions" and choose the most important. Selected items are likely to be issued as books, CDs and pamphlets.

[edit]

However, Rooz Online, an opposition website, suggested Mr Ahmadinejad's advisers would have a much thinner body of work to choose from.

The only known publication credited to the president - who has a PhD in traffic management - was a treatise about cold asphalt, it said.

I Win

Transmissions From The Silicon Tart.

If I May Be So Bald

Nickers

I laugh but I shouldn't:

Shoppers at Wal-Mart stores across America are loading carts with merchandise – maybe a flat-screen TV, a few DVDs and a six pack of beer – and strolling out without paying. Employees also are helping themselves to goods they haven't paid for.

The world's largest retailer is saying little about these kinds of thefts, but it's recent public disclosures that it is experiencing an increase in so-called shrinkage at its U.S. stores suggests that inventory losses due to shoplifting, employee theft, paperwork errors and supplier fraud could be worsening.

The hit is likely to rise to more than $3 billion this year...

* * * * * * * *

Citizens are asked to report any suspicious observed weight gain:

If you're a fan of Hershey's chocolates beware - there could be a bad batch contaminated with salmonella sitting on some store shelves without your knowledge. It all stems from a bizarre crime that Toronto Police alleged was committed by two men accused of carting off the tainted confections and re-selling them. It supposedly started last fall, when Hershey's originally recalled the candies after discovering the apparent contamination at its Smiths Falls plant.

They hired Turtle Island Recycling Depot on Cherry St. to get rid of them and several pallets of the goodies were destined for a truck on their way to a disposal. But cops allege the two men, one of whom was a Turtle Island employee, intercepted some of the treats and they may have been sold to retailers.

"I think this is a crime of opportunity," said Det. Sgt. John Babiar. "People have seen this chocolate that appears to be destined for destruction, but they were unaware of their risk."

"We estimate that there were approximately 40,000 bars." But only a few of those may have actually reached stores.

Hershey's has now been forced to recall the products in question as the hunt for the potentially dangerous candy continues.

"I suspect that they would have been resold at a very discounted rate to either individuals or diverted for their own personal use," Babiar adds.

* * * * * * * *

Cobourg police, masters of the bleedin' obvious:

The search for the missing beer from the Cobourg Corona heist leads to the streets of the Greater Toronto Area and the territory of organized crime.

Peel Regional and Cobourg police forces are now jointly investigating the theft, one of the largest in Cobourg history, but not as much as originally thought.

Both forces confirm the theft bears all the calling cards of organized crime.

Three tractor-trailers filled with cases of Corona were stolen Saturday afternoon from a Veronica Street parking lot, Cobourg Police said.

The lot, off Division Street south of Highway 401, is unguarded and often contains parked tractor-trailers, Const. Terry Stanley said.

Each trailer contained 1,300 24-bottle cases of the imported beer, Const. Stanley said.

All three rigs were discovered in an industrial area in Peel Region but the beer was gone, police said.

At about $40 per case the theft is worth around $156,000, police said.

The Beer Store sells a 24-bottle case of Corona for $44.35 which drives up the estimated value to around $172,965.

[edit]

Whoever stole the trucks would have had [the] buyers lined up beforehand, police said.

Hitch: Cocks; or, That's Funny, You Don't Look Mutilated

A brief Hitchfest '07 digression...

'The connection between religious barbarism and sexual repression could not be plainer than when it is "marked in the flesh." Who can count the number of lives that have been made miserable in this way, especially since Christian doctors began to adopt ancient Jewish folklore in their hospitals?" (Christopher Hitchens: God Is Not Great, p. 226)

Those of you who've read Mordecai Richler's paranoid '60s London satire Cocksure probably already know this, but the incidence of male circumcision in Canada in the mid-20th century, while difficult to say with accuracy, was clearly much higher than in the U.K.

Doesn't appear to have made the Brits any happier though (stats p. 37).

Higher standards?

Colonel Mustard, In The Nursery, With A Shoe

Professional jumper. Closed course.

Shee-it. Aren't there easier ways to prevent hernia?

More on s-pan y'all.

Melty Week

Too bleedin' hot.

That's right: I'm reduced to posting about the weather.

And food. Tasty 'n' easy summer veggie dish for 2. Can't remember where it's from. Goes well warm with white basmati rice, but you can do it as a cold salad too:

Creamy Puy Lentils w/Lemon Dressing

1/2 cup Puy lentils
1 garlic clove
1 smallish tomater
4-6 black olives (optional, IMNSHO)
1 tbsp butter
1/2 lemon
2 tsp chopped fresh tarragon
1/2 tsp grainy mustard
1-2 tbsp creme fraiche
salt and pepper
chopped flat-leaf parsley, tarragon sprigs and lemon wedges to garnish

1. Boil lentils in saucepan for about 20-25 minutes, or until tender.
2. In the meantime, prepare the veg and make the dressing. Chop the garlic, halve and pit the olives, finely chop and seed the tomato.
3. While the lentils are cooking, heat the butter in a skillet at medium heat. Add garlic; saute, while occasionally stirring, until it begins to brown. Grate in lemon rind, and stir in the juice. Add tarragon and mustard, and cook for 1/2 to 1 minute, stirring constantly. Stir in creme fraiche, salt and pepper. Bring to a boil, then stir in the (drained) lentils, tomato and olives.
4. Transfer and garnish with the tarragon, parsley and lemon.

If you can't be bothered to make or don't want to buy creme fraiche, works perfectly well with 2-3 tbsp full-fat yogourt.

If you live in some hick backwater and can't get puy lentils, then either a) use brown, and make sure to reduce your cooking time so's they don't turn to mush, or b) drink yourself into a depressive stupor.

Tie Die

Don't forget to cast your vote in the Globe and Mail's "Most Stylish Canadian" competition. "Wittiest Fraser Institute Fellow" is next week.

My vote's with Winnipeg youngster Jordan Crosthwaite:

Everything popular is wrong. Or so claimed Oscar Wilde. Indeed, the overwhelming misfortune of the bow tie is its lack of popularity, but it sure looks great. Because the bow-tie is uncommon, its infrequent appearance emphasizes stylish sophistication. Like a rare specimen of ornithological interest, a well-dressed man can be as enticing as the elusive trumpeter swan. My style emerges from my eye for the unique individual item of dress and accessory and the way that these elements constellate into a coherent look. I aspire to be dapper. I find inspiration in turn of the century men's dress - I try to bring a nostalgic item of style into a more modern appeal. To me, great style bridges convention and the unexpected - a bow-tie paired with a classic hoodie, a sailor stripped tee under a Winnipeg parka. Style eschews popularity; Oscar Wilde might not have been right, but he sure looked good.

mp3: XTC--"Helicopter" (from Drums and Wires)

Performance Enhancing Substance

A-Rod impresses young-lady-not-his-wife by producing stiffy at the Brass Rail.

Heat Alert!

Please remain in an air-conditioned environment and don't move around unless you absolutely have to.

Irrefragable

Another heartfelt Falwell eulogy.

And another.

N.B. One of these is satirical.

Two And A Half

Modest Mouse: We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank--the band's last two albums are among my favorites of the last 10 years so this one's a medium-sized disappointment. I didn't take to it at all at first, but it pays back repeated listening if you let the groove go to work on you.

This is probably the nearest thing to a pop album that Modest Mouse are going to make, and about as far away from the intimacy of The Moon And Antarctica as you can get. The songs are surprisingly direct and accessible (if weird as usual), whether it's the single "Dashboard" or the slow and slightly bombastic "Little Motel" (the first MoMo song suitable for the accompaniment of swaying lighters). In terms of sound it's much more of a "band" record than the orchestrated, all-over-the-place Good News For People Who Love Bad News, and the current lineup features, surprisingly, journeyman ex-Smiths guitarist Johnny Marr as well as original drummer Jeremiah Green--not that I would really have noticed. The guitars sound great and drive most of the songs, usually in combination with a stomping groove a la some variation of "Float On." It's a very groove heavy album in fact. Mainman Isaac Brock's cracker vocal delivery is familiar, as are his long lyric sheets and tendency to write in a wry and generalised way about our hapless state, using specifics to paint big pictures.

Ship has a lot of guts and features a number of really good and addictive tracks, but it's too comfortable with itself. It's very self-referential music and doesn't play around with influences as much as previous albums. A number of tracks, like the opener "March Into The Sea," "Parting Of The Sensory," and "Invisible" tread decidedly old ground. The best stuff, like "Florida," "We've Got Everything" and "Fire It Up" bore into your brain like a brain-eating vole on amphetamines. Like their '90s albums, it's an endurance contest getting through the whole thing in one listen and some of the stuff at the back end like "Spitting Venom" I could have done without.

I give huge props to MM for being able to make chart-topping albums when they're such a weirdo band at heart. I just wished this one showed a little more development and a little more intimacy.

Modest Mouse--"Florida" (from We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank)
Modest Mouse--"Missed The Boat" (from We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank)

Deerhoof: Friend Opportunity--this is the first album I've ever heard by the weirdie Frisco three-piece (the drummer plays keyboards), so thank you very much Pitchfork--you make me feel so young (mid-30s). This is one of the most enjoyable discs I've heard in a good while. My three-year-old daughter likes it as well, and even makes up her own nonsense lyrics instead of accurately singing the, er, nonsense lyrics.

The first couple of tracks on Friend Opportunity might make you think that Deerhoof's sound could be summed up, in one sentence, as Stereolab crossed with an art-punk-garage band. But there's more to them than that. I can hear indications that they've listened to Larks' Tongues In Aspic as well as any number of jazz-rock-prog outfits. And I think it's fair to say that there are very few bands out there who can fit as much into a three-minute song as these guys; I mean, who writes idiotically catchy melodic pop tunes ("Matchbook Seeks Maniac") with a song structure of Ai-Aii-Aiii-chorus-B-C-chorus?

Stylistically, it's all over the place but held together by an incredible vibrancy and fun. It's arty music, but with very little pretense (quasi-naive ESL lyrics and squeaky-voiced Japanese singer Satomi Matzusaki add to the bounce and approachability). Apart from the Stereolab/post-punk inflected pop of "The Perfect Me" and "Believe E.S.P.", there's one track based around close-mic'ed piano that sounds like the gentler side of Peter Hammill ("Whither The Invisible Birds"), another one that leads off with a folky-prog acoustic guitar ("The Galaxist") and yet another that's mostly chopped-up samples over a drumline rhythm ("Kidz Are So Small"). The playing is great, and just loose enough to kick some major backside where necessary.

The one caveat with FO is that it's fairly brief and capped off with a 12-minute more abstract and drawn-out sectional piece (based around John Dieterich's clangy chromatic guitar work), which some people might find jarring after 9 tightly-packed short songs. Otherwise, the album is a highly-recommendable pile 0' fun.

Life is good. For 35 minutes anyway.

Deerhoof--"The Perfect Me" (from Friend Opportunity)
Deerhoof--"Whither The Invisible Birds?" (from Friend Opportunity)
Deerhoof--"Matchbook Seeks Maniac" (from Friend Opportunity)

Menomena: Friend And Foe--very impressive second cd from this Portland, Oregon multi-instrumental three-piece (with two singers). I meant to go see them last month but I don't have the stamina for midnight (scheduled) sets anymore. Damn you, 2am closing time!

Menomena's sound-world is rooted in Tortoise-like post-rock (foregrounded, crunchy cymbals and hi-hat, boomy bass), but they also very good at--heaven forfend--writing actual songs. You can hear a little bit of The Flaming Lips (without the requisite dumbness), too, in the general grandeur and in the singer with the nasal voice. Pacings are slow, rhythms dug-in, and orchestrations, which are very "orchestral," feature the three-piece with sax, piano, organ and synth excellent--a very appealing sounding record in fact. How they do most of this stuff live is beyond me (their first album was apparently written almost entirely on Mr. Computer). Some songs sound churchy, some chunky/funky, and some electronic. You'd think you'd that the deliberate pace of the album would wear after a while but there's so much wit, good songwriting and arrangement that you don't care. Menomena make every note and beat count.

There isn't a great deal of fat on the album--it's maybe one song longer than it needed to be--and even the less inventive tracks like "Evil Bee" veer off in interesting directions and/or have interesting things to listen to. It's hard to pick favorites as many of the songs are complementary and there's a lot of ebb and flow. "The Pelican," which sounds like raging stoners playing post-rock, is pretty cool, as are the bass grooves of "Muscle 'n' Flo" and "Air Aid." I hear the Flaming Lips influence most in songs like "Wet And Rusting" and one of my faves, the sombre organ-drone "My My."

Oh, just listen to the samples. Writing about music is like sculpting about ballet after all.

Menomena--"Muscle 'n' Flo" (from Friend And Foe)
Menomena--"My My" (from Friend And Foe)

Sunday Supper Chez Nous

To Our American Readers

All of your Lands' End and L.L. Bean mail-order merchandise are belong to us.

Career Development

I seriously need to come up with an internet shtick, while there's still time.

Suggestions?

Day Late And (AU) Dollar Short

I'm a little late, but I've been meaning to write something about Brisbane's Go-Betweens on the anniversary of Grant McLennan's far too early passing.

I was a latecomer to the Go-Bs, but they've rapidly become one of my very favorite bands. Hard to put into words why; suffice it to say that I hear art, craft and the pursuit of something beautiful in just about everything they did, from their early '80s jerky and sparse post-punk/folk to the brainy jingle-jangle of 16 Lovers Lane. Their second incarnation in the new century wasn't half bad either, and, while I'm not keen on the overuse of the word "tragic," McLennan was one of those artists who clearly had a lot more to give.

The songwriting partnership of McLennan and Robert Forster, formed during their university days, is among the most productive and interesting in the annals of pop music. They've been referred to as the Aussie Lennon & McCartney, which was both a touch of flattery and accurate in that there was a certain yin-yang quality to the musical relationship--the tall, lean Forster as the literate one and McLennan as Mr. Solid and Dependable. Unlike L&M, though, they habitually worked and wrote co-operatively. And, if you care to peruse Forster's lovely and heartfelt tribute to his friend and collaborator, you'll see that their musical personae stood in many ways in stark contrast to their personalities.

McLennan's the one who seems to get the majority of the critical kudos (his solo stuff during the '90s Go-Betweens hiatus was certainly better received than Forster's), but I don't have a preference in terms of songwriting. Relative quality varies from album to album. I usually prefer Forster's lyrics, which are more observational and acerbic; McLellan deals more with basic elements and when he hits the mark, it's stark and poignant, but when he doesn't it can be a tad banal. Neither of them are great natural singers--which is obvious from live recordings--but they learned how to use their voices better and better with each successive album.

For an appreciation of the band's studio albums, you could do worse than flip through allmusic. I'm in general agreement with their assessments, with the exception of their being way too hard on Tallulah and slightly too easy on The Friends Of Rachel Worth. But anyway, here's my quick run-down:

Send Me A Lullaby (1981)--would be better considered if it were by a lesser band. Not a lot of great songs but a lot of interesting impressions poking their heads above the battlements. The execution isn't quite there yet--the vocals (majority by Forster on this one) are thin, the arrangements a little insecure ("Midnight To Neon"), and there's too much weird for the sake of weird [hey, this is an early-'80s Oz band, fergawdsake!--ed]. But for all of the stop-start jerkiness of songs like "Arrow In A Bow" and the abbreviated rhythms and 4-bar phrases ("The Girls Have Moved"), there's a counterbalancing gentleness ("One Thing Can Hold Us"). I think a lot of this is down to the guitars, which burst all bright and jangly-like to the surface during the middle-eights and breaks. "Your Turn, My Turn" sounds like a mellow version of The Birthday Party. "Eight Pictures" is a poorly-realized hamfest, lyrically and musically.

"One Thing Can Hold Us" (from Send Me A Lullaby)
"People Know" (from Send Me A Lullaby)

Before Hollywood (1983)--the great leap forward and the best of the early-period albums. Manages to sound both tougher and more lyrical than its predecessor, not to mention more concise and more melodic. McLellan's contribution shines through; his vocals are much more relaxed, and he delivers the goods big time with standout tunes "Two Steps Step Out" and the much lauded "Cattle And Cane," among others. Forster provides the spiky Tom Verlaine-like counterpart with the title track and "Ask." A few of the songs ("By Chance") tread similar ground to Lullaby but are better realized. The band vibe is wonderful, with drummer Lindy Morrison in particular sounding much more comfortable. Not an inch of fat on this one.

"Two Steps Step Out" (from Before Hollywood)
"Ask" (from Before Hollywood)

Spring Hill Fair (1984)--a transitional album in many ways. A number of excellent tunes but somewhat all over the place in terms of style and production. The addition of the more traditional bass player Robert Vickers and GM's move to guitar full-time (and the use of more acoustic guitar in general) changes the rhythm section balance and makes for a much warmer band sound, shown particularly in standouts like "Five Words." A few of McLellan's songs ("Bachelor Kisses," "Slow Slow Music") date themselves with the constrained "eighties" production and drum machines, and are an uncomfortable fit with Forster's bluesy-pop contributions (the very good "Draining The Pool" and "You've Never Lived"). McLellan's spoken-word "River Of Money" doesn't really fly, but "Unkind And Unwise" is a particularly sweet offering. I've never taken to Forster's melodramatic "Man O' Sand To Girl O' Sea," try as I might.

"Five Words" (from Spring Hill Fair)
"The Old Way Out" (from Spring Hill Fair)

Liberty Belle And The Black Diamond Express (1986)--the first "middle-period" record and the first with "that" Go-Betweens sound. Simpler music, with a much gentler and janglier sound, fleshed out effectively with strings on tracks like "The Wrong Road." It's not all high art by any means ("In The Core Of A Flame"), but the material hangs together extremely well and the production is never obtrusive. The abbreviated three-time "The Ghost And The Black Hat" is my favorite of the McLellan-sung tracks, and Forster's "To Reach Me" and the dreamy "Bow Down" are particular good ones. "Twin Layers Of Lightning" is a bit of a throwback but the arrangement with mallet percussion is very nice.

"The Wrong Road" (from Liberty Belle And The Black Diamond Express)
"Bow Down" (from Liberty Belle And The Black Diamond Express)

Tallulah (1987)--a particular favorite of mine and I think their most underappreciated album. Its pleasingly muscular sound is very much an anomaly, sandwiched as this one is between Liberty Belle and 16 Lovers Lane. The production is a common complaint with Tallulah, and although I'm not as bothered by so-called '80s "big drum" production as some, parts of the album, like the single "Right Here," could have used a remix to mitigate the worst effects of the jack-hammer drum machine. On the songwriting front, though, this is as strong a showing from both GM and RS as there is in the Go-Betweens catalogue. Forster's "You Tell Me" and "The Clarke Sisters" are unimpeachable, and all these years later you're left wondering how in the hell McLellan's "Right Here," "Cut It Out" and the brilliant "Bye Bye Pride" weren't huge hits. "Someone Else's Wife" is the one track that sounds out of place, with GM seemingly channelling Hunters & Collectors.

"You Tell Me" (from Tallulah)
"Bye Bye Pride" (from Tallulah)

16 Lovers Lane (1988)--you can't really argue agin this one as the Go-Betweens' best. A friend of mine once said that this was one of the easiest albums to like that you could ever come across and I know exactly what he meant; music, lyric, arrangement and sound mesh together seamlessly. I suppose a cynic might complain that it doesn't demand enough from the listener, but 16 Lovers Lane certainly isn't slick; it's just lush and lovely. Listen to the lovely string arrangements on the opening tracks "Love Goes On!" and "Quiet Heart" and you'll see what I mean. "Love Is A Sign" and "Clouds" are two of my favorite Forster songs and lyrics, the latter being great for drunken sing-alongs. "Streets Of Your Town" is another lovely McLellan hit-that-should-have-been. An album of its time but not imprisoned by it.

"Clouds" (from 16 Lovers Lane)
"Quiet Heart" (from 16 Lovers Lane)

more to follow...

Knuckle Sandwich

Currently second in AL E.R.A.

A top young prospect.

And a book.

Grant McLennan

GM died far too young just over a year ago today.

Oh Giorgio!

Fancy a quality hummer? Take the 10pm ferry to Centre Island.

Make sure you don't dilly-dally though--last one back to the mainland is at 11:45.

Die Hippie Die

Aerial spraying works best I find.

Technically, They're "Humps", But Be That As It May

A leetle Ward 32 humour:

Maybe Sandra Bussin can take some of the tar from those speed bumps she so likes spending our tax money on and fill some of the pot holes on Willow Avenue.

John Zimnoch
Remax/Hallmark

King For Several Hundred Days

Rocket Roger takes self-deprecation into uncharted territory:

The seventh-inning stretch was ending when the low, familiar voice of public-address announcer Bob Sheppard told fans at Yankee Stadium to direct their attention to the owner's box behind home plate.

Standing there, microphone in hand, was Roger Clemens to personally announce his return to New York.

[edit]

He agreed to a one-year contract for US$28,000,022 - the last two digits matching his uniform number...

Fab Gear

The Toronto Transit Commission is blingin' the thing:

Ashwin Joshi, associate professor of marketing at the Schulich School of Business, thinks it's time the TTC got moving, so to speak. "I think the TTC has brand equity it hasn't capitalized on," Joshi said, calling the system's quiet cachet "an under-utilized asset."

It's time the transit system got away from marketing its function and developed an image of itself that's more about bringing people together, with an underlying theme of its democratic value, Joshi said.

I concur wholeheartedly.